


thunder and lightning

by softlyspoken



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: (Prev. Littlelooneyluna), Angst, Family Feels, Gen, Insecurities, M/M, Married Thangs, back on my seb stuff, it's sort of from seb's POV so if that isn't your thing you are being made aware
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23026225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyspoken/pseuds/softlyspoken
Summary: Seb fears that his dads are about to break up (insecure softness shall ensue)
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 22
Kudos: 142





	thunder and lightning

**Author's Note:**

> based on a tumblr prompt, hope you enjoy
> 
> ohh and yeah i changed my name on here and tumblr, find me there at: jacobsantiagos for anything (previously littlelooneyluna)

He’d like everyone to know that he isn’t gullible and sometimes it results in him basically looking for answers when he doesn’t have to. He’s been told it once or twice before.

It’s been annoying once or twice before.

Seb watches his dads on either side of the bar with a frown on his face over the distance between them. He stares until Jacob’s trying to get Moses to let him drive his car and he’s stepping in.

“Do you want to give nan a heart attack on her birthday?”

Jacob rolls his eyes and Seb just stares at his brother and tries to imagine that he’ll stop being an absolute lunatic one day. He’s all curly hair and bright blue eyes and bruises from trying to be older than he is and he definitely acts like a four year old half the time.

“Suppose not. Dad’d kill me.” Jacob smiles, specifies. “Yeah. Both of them.”

Seb forces himself to look over again, sees Aaron closing in around Robert and hands travelling before they’re moving into the backroom and he’s back to not feeling a digging in his chest.

It’s what he’d call it, this twist that makes him think of how fragile things can be and it’s stupid of him until he’s being reminded.

Moira and Cain off again for the nine hundredth time is enough. Isaac’s all tough skinned about it, rolls his eyes and pretends like he’s not seventeen and has no idea what normal is.

He’s here now and Seb manages to swig a vodka and lemonade from the counter to pass over towards him.

“You look like this is the last place you want to be.” Seb says, eyebrow raised. Isaac looks at the drink and Seb smirks. “It’s lemonade.” He says, winks and then gets a seat next to him.

Isaac actually looks like he wants to be sick after a few gulps of it and Seb would laugh if he didn’t look so sad as well. He’s always looked like this, like he’s close to just doing one and leaving in the dead of night because he can definitely look after himself.

One time, when they were about ten, Isaac had asked him to come along with him to London. He’d said no, said that he needed to be a big brother for now and anyway, Isaac only ended up getting as far as the farthest barn on his mum’s farm.

“Cain still loves Moira.” Seb’s not sure how many times he’s heard it in his life but it’s truth hasn’t ever seemed to waver. He shrugs when Isaac finally looks his way and pulls this face.

“Yeah. Don’t change how much they can’t seem to stay together for more than five minutes.”

Seb sits stumped, thinks of whose fault it is now. He supposes it’s Cain’s. He looks up and sees that his uncle’s knocking back shots and Charity doesn’t seem to be taking pity on him. It’s definitely him.

“I should go and see Matty. See if he wouldn’t mind me staying with him for a bit.”

Seb bites at his lip for a second. “Your mum needs you. Anyway. Them breaking up doesn’t change the fact that —“

“They love me. _Yeah_.” Isaac rolls his eyes and Seb knows he’s been told it enough times. It must be drilled into his head. He goes to speak when he sees Isaac staring over at Annie and Liv. “Your dads are like the opposite.”

“Of what?”

“Flaky.” Isaac keeps staring at Annie as Ella tries to jump up and hear what they’re talking about. “None of you have been without them. Must be nice.”

Seb stares for a second, feels a pang of guilt and then picks up a beer mat, whacks it lightly over Isaac’s head. “Stop being dramatic.”

“Who’s being dramatic?” Nan comes over like she’s terrified something is wrong. “What’s up with you two?”

Seb decides to down the rest of the drink before she guesses and then he’s shrugging, saying nothing is wrong, asking her if she’s enjoying herself. She is, she doesn’t stop banging on about how lucky she is and then Charity’s reminiscing with her.

Isaac and him go to move, he’d rather be anywhere else than right here listening to what he’s right to guess is going to be something about sagging boobs and wasted nights out.

“— that was when we were together properly. You know, girlfriends.” Seb makes the mistake of rolling his eyes and then he’s being properly spoken to. “I should be thanking you actually, well not _you_ but that dad of yours.”

His nan’s pulls this face. “Ay?”

“Vanessa and them lot were trying to find Robert a new man, remember? You weren’t there but …”

Seb pulls this face because the entire sentence is disgusting. “When was …”

Charity waves a hand out. “They were on a break.”

His nan is clearly passed it. “Which one are we talking about?” She says, bold as bloody brass and Seb just sighs.

His nan’s head dips and he feels instantly embarrassed for even asking about it, feels more embarrassed that charity even bought it up in the first place. He tightens around the hand on his thigh and then Charity is smiling.

“It was ages ago. They’re insufferable now, in a different way.”

“A mushy way.” Seb says, relaxes under it a little and then he’s pulling himself away from the whole thing and going to see where they’ve got to.

He gets to the back door, almost wincing at the thought of seeing his dads getting busy on his nan’s sofa. He goes to move in and then he hears them talking.

It sounds angry, short. He sees Aaron sitting up, looking like he wants to smack Robert around the head. He just stares, almost trips when Marlon’s telling him to help him with the cake.

There’s something already bubbling deep inside of him.

—

Isaac says they’re lucky and he believes him. He just doesn’t understand what’s going on and he’s one million percent sure that if he asks, he’ll get nothing but lies back.

So he keeps it to himself, wakes up the next day to Aaron fluffing cushions on the sofa and complaining of back ache.

He frowns, stills and there’s this niggling in his stomach again. “You slept down here?”

His dad acts like it means nothing, just laughs and then rolls his eyes. “Yeah, why’d you think?”

Seb wants to ask if it’s his dad, supposes that Aaron’s the one who’s done something wrong. He tries to get something out at least. “I don’t know. Dog house?”

His dad looks at him like he doesn’t realise he’s seventeen years old. It’s always been funny, now it makes him want to scream.

“Your dad kicking me off the bed.”

“You had a fight?”

Aaron goes to answer but Ella comes down the stairs, she’s complaining of a headache and his attention is with her instantly. Seb watches him scoop her up into his arms, worry like mad and the questioning is forgotten.

For now.

—

He hears them a few days later bickering by the swings and pointing at Ella and it’s something that makes him stop dead. It’s unlike them to be like this in front of her, in front of any of them and he starts racking his brains about what’s caused it.

He watches until Jacob’s chucking a ball at his head and calling him weird. He’s just come back from school, looks like he’s in no mood to discuss their parents marital issues but Seb presses on.

“You’re just watching them.” Jacob says after he realises where Seb’s attention is.

“They’re fighting.” Seb sits on the bench outside the pub, bounces the ball he’s taken from Jacob and then runs a hand over his knee. “Like proper fighting.”

Jacob pulls this face and he instantly regrets even mentioning it. “Like … Cain and Moira fighting? Like they’re breaking up?”

Seb hears Robert before his other dad. He says something about knowing best, about doing what’s right, about not being a coward and it feels like he’s underwater until Jacob’s standing in front of him.

“Jake, move.”

“No.” Jacob’s suddenly not just a stupid kid. “Just leave it. Leave it alone.”

“Let them split up?” Seb jumps off the bench. “Are you mad?”

Jacob just shrugs. “They’re _bickering_.”

“That’s how it starts. Ask Isaac.”

And Jacob’s back to being a kid who doesn’t know a thing.

—

“Where’s dad?”

It’s a normal question, it’s Annie being her naive little self and asking the obvious thing that Seb’s too scared to ask.

They’re eating dinner, and Aaron isn’t sitting next to Robert. It looks wrong, feels strange and Seb just observes it all wondering why it’s all happening. He reckons that if he actually understands what they’re arguing about, it’ll be easy to stop.

“He’s on a call out.” Robert smiles so easily, he lies so easily too and that’s what makes Seb spin, his mouth open wide when Ella and Annie are in bed.

“Where’s he really?” Seb asks, he dares to, but as soon as Robert looks at him he wants to take it all back so quickly.

“You think I’m lying?” Robert comes forward, he dips his head and puts a hand on Seb’s shoulder. “Seb. Everything’s fine.”

“Say that again.”

Robert throws a tea towel over his shoulder, gets to drying up and the hand stretches off of Seb’s wet shoulder.

“Everything’s fine.”

He thinks about his dad lying, watches the shiny metal of his ring clink against a glass he’s washing and then nods out something.

—

“They just need to do it.” Isaac says, kicks a football against the wall and then watches it roll back to him.

Seb doesn’t get it, a frown hung on his face. “Do what?”

Isaac tilts his head, looks dead serious before smiling. “Should I draw a diagram for you?”

Seb wants to be sick, actually turns pale and then throws the ball at Isaac to stop him from saying anything else.

—

They had an affair, he knows that. It’s oddly common knowledge around the village and the fact that his dad was married to his aunt is enough to make him feel weird. It’s stopped there though, it’s always stopped there before now.

Before it makes them flimsy and flaky and his mind works over time thinking about it.

He goes to someone who won’t fob him off, he goes to Liv and she just laughs at him which is the exact opposite of helpful.

“This ain’t funny.” Seb says. “I’m asking how flimsy they are.” He might seem mad, look madder but he’s also a kid who doesn’t want his parents splitting up like almost everyone else he knows.

“Flimsy?” Seb nods and Liv just gives him this look. “Seb, they’ve got four kids, a house, married for …”

“Married twice.” Seb bites at his lip and then feels himself approaching dramatic and sad territory. “Because of the obvious.”

He’s made her look sad too and he doesn’t know why. He tries to take it back but she only bangs on about it even more.

“You think your dad’s cheating?”

It hasn’t crossed his mind but now it does, it makes him feel like his whole world is shattering around him.

“They’re just … arguing loads.”

“Of course they are. They’re married.” Liv crosses over her legs and pulls out a strand of her hair like she’s so at ease with discussing it all. “They used to be like a tap.” Seb doesn’t follow, thinks she’s being weird. “You know off one minute, on the next.”

Seb sighs. “Is this supposed to —“

“And then you came along.”

“Blew up the whole thing.” Seb says, and he’s starting to regret coming to Liv’s artsy flat to get this as ‘advice’ on the situation. He almost walks away feeling like that until she leans over and punches at his arm.

“Then put them together again. So stop worrying.” She says and he tries to listen.

—

He doesn’t stop. He thinks of taps for another week until he sees letters addressed to both of them on the coffee table. He peaks a look, feels the weight of them until his dad is coming up of nowhere and taking them from him.

“Excuse me mister.” Seb nearly jumps out of his skin, watches Robert whack him on the head with the letter lightly and then tell him to set the table for dinner.

“Where’s dad?”

Robert shrugs. “Working late I think.” Then he gets a text. “Actually. Pub.” He rolls his eyes and his phone falls against the table. Seb can practically feel his frustration.

“Everything …”

Robert looks up. “We were just going to talk about … but it’s fine.” He sighs hard like it absolutely isn’t.

“About what?” Seb wonders if he’s crossing a line and then tries to be at ease with the fact that he’s not Annie or Ella, he’s old enough to actually give advice now.

His dad doesn’t give him what he wants, says everything is fine and it clearly isn’t. He mentions how his mate’s parents have just finalised their divorce specifically to see the look on his dad’s face but Annie going on about her ballet lessons manages to overtake every other discussion point. He wants to throttle her but he doesn’t, instead he gives her daggers and when she’s finally done banging on it’s Ella refusing to eat broccoli that steals his dad’s attention.

He calls it quits. His dad comes home late and Seb hears them arguing as he leans against the stairs.

“We were meant to talk.”

“Yeah well I was speaking to my mum about it.”

Seb wants to whack his head against the wall, wants to find out exactly what they’re losing their head over. He listens in again a second later, realises he’s missed something when Robert is slamming a draw and telling Aaron that he should really put his shoes on the rack and not leave them about the place.

He only leans away when he hears his dad start thumping up the stairs. He jumps into Ella’s little room to hide and ends up trying to get her to sleep.

She demands five stories and by the last one she’s asleep, only it’s basically scooped up in his arms. He stares down at her, runs a gentle finger over her soft curls and smiles. He thinks of her and what’ll happen if his dads actually do split up. He thinks of Annie being sensitive and Jacob being wild and then back to Ella being so small. Her not having what he did at her age is enough to make him want to get to the bottom of it all.

“Nothing bad’s happening.” He kisses her head and watches her little nose wriggle as he moves her down on her bed and smooths a blanket over her.

Naturally as soon as he’s back in his own room he’s recruiting Jacob by asking him to do the most important thing possible.

“You think you can break your arm or something?” He’s laying in bed with the lights off and Jacob turns to stare at him. He wonders if he’ll think he’s crazy but he just sort of shrugs.

“Yeah. Of course. Easily.” Jacob holds it out and goes to slam it against the wall.

“Woah.” Seb sits up. “Not now. I mean … it doesn’t even have to be your arm, just land yourself in hospital.”

Jacob frowns, turns on his elbows to stare his brother. “Why?”

Seb sighs. “So our dads realise that their fighting is pointless and they should focus on keeping us all together.” It’s a simple enough plan only Jacob pulls a face. “What?”

“Why me?”

It’s a pretty obvious choice. “Well they’d lose their shit if Annie got a paper cut and Ella’s too young to be messing with.”

Jacob frowns. “Looks like you’ve got all of this worked out.” Seb smiles. “But no.”

“Come on. For us.”

Jacob shakes his head. “They’re not going to break up. You know why? Because not every couple is Moira and Cain.”

Seb scoffs. “Daniel’s parents are officially divorced.” He says. “And come on, how many people round here stay together for longer than —“

“Our parents.” Jacob says. Seb doesn’t know where all his confidence in their relationship has come from but he wants to steal it. “So chill.”

Seb pulls a face, tries to go to sleep, tries to chill and then spectacularly cracks a few days later when he sees suitcases by the door as he comes home.

He watches his dad come down the stairs as soon as he walks through the door and he doesn’t know what else to say.

“You’re leaving?”

Aaron just looks at him, nods a little. “Yeah. Just for a few days. Your grandad and nan are going to …”

Seb’s sure he’s crying, he feels his cheeks redden and he bites hard on his gum for what feels like ages until there’s hands on his shoulders.

“Hey, _hey_ , what’s —“

“I knew it.” He’s seventeen, he’s old enough to understand that people don’t stay together. He thinks about Daniel’s parents splitting up just before Christmas, how Louise only sees her mum on the weekends now. He’s not a kid but he wants to feel like one again.

“Knew what?” Robert’s there suddenly, he’s there with wide eyes and this worried look on his face.

Seb looks at them both, then back towards Aaron and this panic is everywhere. “I can’t lose you.” He thinks of it, so suddenly and it makes everything feel so much worse than he actually imagined. It’s like it hits the surface, waves crash over waves so suddenly.

“You’re not losing anyone.” There’s a hand clasping the back of his neck and Aaron’s telling him but it’s not coming out right. It feels like a lie.

Seb closes his eyes. “That’s what you have to say. But this isn’t like … you won’t see me the way you see Jacob and Annie and Ella.”

Robert closes his eyes, breathes out steadily. “Seb, you’re not making any sense.”

“Neither is this.” Seb rubs at his eyes, pulls back when Aaron tries to hold his face again. “You’re meant to last. You can’t split up.”

“ _Split up_?” His dad is saying, he’s looking at his other dad and they’re both looking at him like he’s absolutely mental. It doesn’t make sense, leaves Seb feeling like he’s definitely missing the point.

“You’re not …” Seb breathes in. “You said you were going away.” He looks at Aaron and then his dad is coming closer towards him.

“We didn’t want to worry you.”

“About what?” Seb’s asking and then Ella’s coming down the stairs with a suitcase and things are starting to make sense. “Is she …”

“They do those checks on her every year don’t they? For her hearing.” Seb thinks of when he first visited Ella in hospital and she was this tiny thing that needed help to breathe. He remembers the box, the small holes he had to squeeze her hand through. He thinks back to the tears, the sadness running through the house until she was officially bought through the doors because she was early, because they thought she’d have little hearing if any. His dad looks at Robert and then smiles nervously. “We’re just going down to London because they referred —“

“Is she …” Seb’s heart is beating out of his chest for a completely different reason. “Dad, is she OK?”

Aaron’s got tears in his eyes, he comes closer and nods. “She’s fine, they just like to check that she’s still fully able to hear us fine. We’re just …” He turns to Robert and there’s this silent communication thing that Seb’s always found mushy. “We were scared.”

“So that’s why …”

“We’re not splitting up.” Robert says it like it’s this fact, like it won’t ever be broken. “You think I’d let that happen?” He runs a hand over Seb’s hair and smiles. “We’re just a little stressed. That’s all.”

Seb gulps hard. “I’m sorry for making it all about me. You’ve got enough …”

“Seb. Seb. I’m going to _London_.” Ella practically runs into his arms and he catches her, has her little legs wrapped around his middle as she stares up.

He kisses her head, helps his dads put the suitcases in their car and listens to them when they say they’ll talk about everything when they get back.

He has this bunch in his shoulders, this tightness that he wants to go away as he watches them leave.

—

They come back three days later and it’s good news. Ella’s doing well, it’s fine, they’re all fine and yet there’s still this knot in his stomach.

He ends up on the bridge looking down at the stream, has his eyes fixed on the way the water hits pebbles and rushes right over again. He thinks of Jacob, a big grin on his face when he found out that everything was going to be OK between their dads. He thinks of Isaac actually getting a bit of normality back now Cain’s not sleeping on the sofa anymore.

He thinks of how lucky he is until his head feels fuzzy and he has to think about something else. He focuses in on whatever stuff came blurting out of his mouth when he thought his dad was leaving.

The feeling stays until he hears the sound of feet approaching him and he spins to look at who it is. His dad is there, puffer jacket and deep voice and hanging over the bridge just to stare at him.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Aaron says. “Your dad thought you’d be at the cricket pavilion.” He leans forward slightly and Seb marvels at the way his dad makes him feel at ease almost instantly. “Spill.”

“Spill what?”

Aaron sighs and Seb brings his head down again, watches the water run until he can think of something to say.

“I thought you were breaking up.” It seems stupid now, he’s watched how they’ve been since they’ve come back and that stress is clearly forgotten about altogether.

Aaron frowns. “Because we were arguing?”

Seb blushes. “You could break up tomorrow.”

“Seb.” Aaron says his name like he wants to build up to something but Seb decides not to let him.

“I’m not Annie or Ella, I know life isn’t a fairytale. Things happen.”

Aaron looks like a penny’s dropped. “Is that why you were on about your mate’s parents breaking —“ He sighs again. “Your dad told me about it but that’s not us. I love your dad so …”

“You loved him before.” Seb doesn’t know how he’ll ever not be able to think of that time where they weren’t joined at the hip. It’s this fact that even his dads could be fragile. It stays with him, ticks right over in his mind until he looks at his dad again.

He’s greying, wrinkles around his eyes and this hunch to his posture that he’s never really noticed.

“I’ll always love him Seb.” He says it so seriously, almost so romantically that Seb wants to forget all this prodding and worth altogether. Almost.

Seb tilts his head up. “That’s what parents say when they …”

“Yeah. You’re right.” His dad almost gives up trying and then looks all serious. “But I meant it.” He blinks out over the bridge and then clears his throat. “I heard what you said. About you. Me not seeing you.” Aaron’s got tears in his eyes. “You think that … because you’re not … that I wouldn’t see you?”

Seb remembers that, the panic he felt and the way everything suddenly felt like it was going to happen whether he liked it or not. He doesn’t know whether he should hold it all in or not and then he breathes out a breath. “My mum’s gone. You and dad are … you’re everything. You know that. But a divorce would mean you don’t legally have to —“

“Fuck legalities.” His dad might be coolest person over thirty he knows but he doesn’t tell him that. Instead he smiles and it breaks something. “Seb, me and your dad aren’t ever going to be without each other. But let’s say in this … weird world you’ve created we were … you’ll always be mine.”

Seb smiles. “I was just scared.”

“You don’t have to be.” His dad comes out of nowhere, leans against the bridge and had a hand against Seb’s back. “Not about me and this one.” He looks over at Aaron and Seb wants to be sick because there’s all this softness between them.

“You sure?” Seb wants to see Robert’s face, wants to know he’s being honest.

Robert nods. “I’m _sure_.”

Seb sighs, thinks for a second. “So the arguing … it was about what?”

Robert breathes out and then he’s making Seb understand. “Your dad was worried about what these tests would do for Ella, if she’d be scared, if she wouldn’t be able to be the same anymore.”

Aaron jumps in. “You know she’s been doing so well.” Seb nods. “I just didn’t want them to tell us our little girl has something that’ll hold her back.”

“It wouldn’t.” Seb says and Aaron smiles.

“That’s what I said.” Robert says, waves a hand out like they’re in court. “I wanted her to go ahead with all the tests but your dad was less keen about putting her through it all.”

Seb watches Aaron look away and he gets it completely. His dad’s worry over Ella has always been there and he doesn’t think it’ll ever just disappear.

“So we argued.” His dad says, looking at Aaron. “But we had those days in London and …”

Seb suddenly waves a hand around. “I don’t want to hear about you making up.”

His dad punches his arm lightly and things feel less like the world is ending. He wonders how many of his friends hate their parents and it feels weird, doesn’t understand it suddenly.

“We’ve always bickered mate, but it’s always stopped there. We know what it’s like to be without each other, and it’s wrong.” His dad leans over towards him again, then he’s making eyes at his other dad and Seb’s back to wanting to be sick about it all.

“So don’t worry.” Robert has a hand on his shoulder, it’s his thing and for once Seb stares down and feels grateful for it. “Now that’s over … I fancy a take away. You in?”

And yeah, his dads still speak to him like he’s eight and pizza and a film is the best way to spend a Friday night in the world but they love him and each other and he can breathe easy.

He knows.


End file.
